What Defines EMOTIONAL HEALTH

Sadness

Caregivers can experience depression if they are taking care of someone who is unable to continue with their usual activities and/or lifestyle. These intense demands can produce stress, thus having a serious negative effect on all aspects of life and health, as well as employment, and relationships. Sadness may be due to grief at the changing relationship between the caregiver and their spouse or elderly parent; grief at their changing lifestyle; grief at what stress and new demands have taken from them; sleep deprivation and exhaustion. West and Yockey (2022) recommend medication, talk therapy, and self-care strategies to help with feelings of sadness, depression, and grief. Caregiver health has a whole section on self-care strategies which may be of value, and you can find that here ***** (link). Additionally, a therapist or coach may be of use. You can find them here *** (link).

References

Frustrated/Angry

Caregivers can feel ignored by healthcare providers and insurance providers, when these providers dismiss what they say because they are “only” family members; or when professional caregivers themselves, they can feel dismissed when “higher-level” professionals ignore their input as to their patient. They can feel dismissed or ignored when healthcare providers use acronyms and don’t explain what they are talking about. Caregivers can feel ignored and dismissed when they are told by others to “get help” but not how to get this help—or if their loved one or patient won’t accept other help. Tips for these problems include: 1) obtain a medical and financial power of attorney document; 2) get written permission to attend medical appointments and provide information; 3) ask when you need information or to understand information--don’t take no for answer; 4) obtain health insurance for caregivers; 5) join a community health service or system that has an online portal, which can connect you with other healthcare providers and beneficial community services if you sign up for it; 6) use formal ways to appeal decisions, even though it is time-consuming. Advocate or get someone to advocate for you.

References

loneliness

Caregivers may feel isolated and alone partially because they have withdrawn from previous habits, relationships, or lifestyle. They may not be able to access periods of rejuvenation for themselves as their loved one may require around the clock care. This isolation and lack of social interaction may lead to thoughts and feelings of loneliness (Family Caregiver Alliance, n.d.). Loneliness is not “just” emotional; chronic lack of human contact can risk your physical health as well. In fact, chronic social isolation leads to an increased risk of premature death by up to 50 percent. (Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Although it may seem impossible, you can find respite care through various agencies (such as Area Agency on Aging) or through family and friends. This will help you to focus on your well-being. You can find local support groups of people who are also caregivers and feel the same way, or online support groups/forums (such as those found caregiverhealth.org). You may then be able to find a feeling of support and community. To maintain your sense of self, take time for yourself. Whether it is a walk around the block, or tai chi classes, take time for your own interests. Keeping up with relationships that are important to you may offer you a different type of support.

References

Depression

Feeling worthless may be a sign of depression and/or accompany caregiver guilt and caregiver burnout. As you become overwhelmed, you may feel that the care you provide is inadequate, unappreciated, or even useless. Pardue-Spears offers six tips to reduce or manage feelings of guilt and worthlessness. 1) Accept your guilt. When you accept your feelings of not doing enough for your loved one, you are not making them come true, you are just bringing them out into the sunshine; 2) Reframe your feeling of guilt as an expression of your love, and your passion for providing care; 3) Take a break! Time for yourself refreshes you to provide even better care; 4) Do not compare yourself to health professionals. Health professionals have had years of training and education—they are a resource, but no need to compare; Other family caregivers whom you admire are all doing the best they can. Some may have more resources, or different kind of needs, but comparison is a trap to avoid; 5) Practice Self-Care. Take time for yourself so that you can experience good physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and social health. Take a hot bath or call a friend when you’re stressed; or eat sushi at a favorite restaurant with a friend. You may need to hire someone, swap caregiving times with another caregiver, ask a friend to help give care to your loved one, but make sure it happens—you need it for you and it will improve your caregiving as well; 6) Join a caregiver support group. These are judgment-free zones. Remember, your health matters. And then finally, get the appreciation you need (Smith, M. 1999-2024). Applaud your own efforts, imagine how your loved one would respond if they were well, or talk to a supportive family member or friend. West and Yockey (2022) recommend medication, talk therapy, and self-care strategies to help with symptoms of depression, such as feelings of guilt and worthlessness, and feelings of sadness and grief. Caregiver health has a whole section on self-care strategies which may be of value, and you can find that here ***** (link). Additionally, a therapist or coach may be of use. You can find some here *** (link). You may also want to contact your primary care physician who can make referrals.

References

Fear

Negative expectations are often based upon past experiences. For instance, caregivers may have asked for help from family or friends who were not aware of how desperately they needed the help they were asking for and how hard it was to ask. Their request was rejected--that time. This set up a negative expectation, a fear of rejection, so the next time they needed help, it was harder to make a request. The same applies to work. If the caregiver was shamed when asking for time off to help their family member, they may be afraid to ask, again for fear of rejection. If the work culture is negative, is it time to look for another job? Being insecure or scared when facing situations that you are unfamiliar with or unprepared for is normal. Considering these to be a learning experience is one way of reframing a situation that might lead to feelings of insecurity or fear. Based on your new learning experience, seek resources to deepen your learning. This can be anything from asking your parents to tell you more about their pains that they are experiencing; or asking for help to complete a medical or financial power of attorney from a bank or hospital social worker. Wilson, P. D. (May 30, 2023) Caregiving: How to hold onto the good things; The idea of good things changes with life experience; It’s easy to become stuck in fear-based behavior

References

Happiness

Guttman (2023) says “satisfaction is a feeling of contentment and peace.” Happiness is transient, such as when you see a beautiful sunset or get a like on your Facebook post. Satisfaction differs in that it often comes from accomplishment, like finishing a project, or a book, or getting through your complete inbox. Caregivers may experience frustration at not feeling a sense of happiness, but can gain a sense of satisfaction, which may over time lead to instances of happiness or even joy. Guttman (2023) found “six secrets” to increasing satisfaction, resilience, and strength: 1) Avoid assumptions about what others will do or say; 2) Reduce people-pleasing behaviors. Although people-pleasing is often needed in a caregiving role, abandoning your own needs and desires to someone else’s needs and desires can cause resentment. Make sure you take care of you; 3) Face fears. This can make you feel insecure and scared, but it can get you out of your comfort zone, sometimes with great success, sometimes not; 4) Make decisions. You may find yourself procrastinating because you fear that your decisions could be wrong, and that they are high-stake and irreversible. Decisions are educated guesses at best, and most can be reversed; 5) Complete tasks. Starting something is easy, while completing related tasks is more difficult. Completion is often less exciting because attention to detail is demanded; 6) Pat yourself on the back for what you accomplish when you are caretaking someone, and when you are doing something for yourself. The outside world may or may not applaud you, but you make sure to be your own biggest fan!

Joyfulness

Smith (1990-2024) indicates that “The demands of caregiving can be exhausting and overwhelming. But there are steps you can take to rein in stress and regain a sense of balance, joy, and hope in your life.” To do this, you need to feel empowered. While you can’t always get time, money, or assistance that you would like, you can change your state of mind, by adding positivity and hope to your experience, but not in a pollyannish type of way. Rather, you can begin to “notice, appreciate, and anticipate goodness (Smith & Segal, 1999-2024)”. According to Smith (1999-2024) the next step is to practice acceptance. You may never make sense of why your loved one became ill, or why you must take on this work. Instead, stop trying to find someone to blame and focus on what you can control. You can then begin your work of noticing, appreciating, and anticipating goodness. Now, “embrace your caregiving choice (Smith, 1999-2024”). Acknowledge you chose to provide care and then focus on the positive reasons you made that choice and look for what you have gained from this choice, like becoming stronger or becoming closer to your loved one or other family members. Organization is important regarding paperwork and appointment dates; calendars and binders are your friends and will help you feel empowered and organized in your caretaking. Make sure to break big tasks down into small ones, and celebrate each victory.

References

Anger

If you are experiencing caregiver burnout, you may find that your emotions are volatile and that you lash out at the littlest thing because you have nothing left. Feeling anger and frustration, or crankiness and irritability is completely normal. When you feel angry, forgive yourself, find constructive ways to express yourself, or give yourself a timeout. Find someone supportive who will listen as you vent regarding your day. If you find that you are cranky and irritable, or experiencing frustration, you most likely need a break. You might also need to get some rest, as when you are tired, you have less control. Rather than turn to alcohol or comfort food, try journaling or talking to a friend or therapist. Make sure you take a nap or get enough sleep at night. If you are frustrated, acknowledge that caregiving is frustrating. Join a support group; take a break so that you can come back refreshed; exercise and sleep are important.