What Defines RELATIONSHIP

Family Role Model

A caregiver can serve as a role model by serving as an example which influences the people they care for (whether older or younger, family members or patients) in a positive manner. Some ways to be a healthy role model include: 1) Take care of yourself first. Have a positive attitude and make sure you take one step each week to a healthier mind or body. Not only will this help you, but it will also be helpful to those you care for as you adopt this practice; 2) Connect with your community and discover new ways to do things. Some suggestions to do this include volunteering, connecting with old friends, or participating in a community project. Those who you care for will see that you are practicing community connection and that you are learning new ways of doing things and are less isolated or lonely. They will see that it is possible for them as well; 3) Treat others with respect, as you would like to be treated, even in the face of stress or conflict; 4) Prioritize communication. Ask and answer questions honestly even when you feel vulnerable. As a role model, you can offer this way of communicating with those you care for; 5) Set goals and overcome obstacles by taking small actions to reach your goals and overcome blocks to your progress, even with small steps. As your care receivers see you modeling this action, they will be encouraged not to give up on their own goals but to take action and overcome any obstacles as needed; 6) Live a healthy lifestyle, not just for yourself, but as a role model for your care receivers; 7) Ask for help when you need it. Not only will this help you, but it will model this practice for those you care for. These suggestions work both for elderly people and younger people.

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Integrity

The best caregivers are reliable, showing up on time and doing what is expected of them. They are honest and trustworthy with respect to the care receiver’s property and their mind, body, and spirit.

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Forgiving

“Forgiveness is not an emotion, it’s a decision. Deciding to let go of old thoughts, beliefs and habits, is a huge step toward creating greater ease in your journey of providing care to those you love (Gelberg-Goff, 2024).” Caregivers can have many reasons to find forgiveness to be difficult. Old resentments regarding parental behavior or family dynamics are the foundations of bitterness, resentment and anger. Gelberg-Goff suggests that you acknowledge, respect, and accept your feelings of anger and resentment which allow you to consciously deal with them, so they do not interfere with your caregiving. Choosing your caregiving role as a choice leads to acceptance (not necessarily to like your choice), but realize it is indeed a choice. Though present-day problems may be past based, you can choose to interact differently with your parents, siblings, friends, in light of the present-day reality rather than the history. Finally, ask yourself why you are providing care. Do you want recognition as a good son or daughter, or as a good person? Is it to create a safe and loving environment for your care receiver? There are no right or wrong answers. Awareness helps to heal the old wounds. And don’t be afraid to ask for help as you need it.

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Empowerment

Caregivers can empower their care receivers to feel more confident, have better self-esteem and sense of self and value. They can also empower them to be more independent, by allowing them to be involved in and to make more decisions about their healthcare. People with declining health or who are isolated sometimes fear positive risk-taking. Caregivers can help them regain confidence through actively listening to find out what is most important to them, what kind of support they need, and reflecting the care receiver’s values and strengths back to them.

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SIGNIFICANT RELATIONSHIPS

Caring for a loved one contributes to caregiver stress (Mayo Clinic Staff). If that loved one is a spouse, that can further increase the stress load and cause potential health problems for the caregiver. Caregiving pressures can lead to feelings of anger, frustration, exhaustion, or sadness. The caregiver often feels alone. This is not healthy for the caregiver or the relationship. Bodenmann and Shantinath (2004; 2016) found that spouses/partners can build their relationship by dealing with stress together. This involves communicating in four steps: 1) become aware; 2) open up; 3) listen with interest; and 4) provide support. While caring for loved one can add to stress, it can also be a great source of support. By eliminating the negative through positive communication, and accentuating the positive by enriching relationships, building connection, and building positivity, the relationship can become more a source of support and less a source of stress (Gottman & Silver, 2015).

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Communication

Caregiving shows love by providing what is needed and making the welfare of someone else a priority. Showing love and respect through caregiving enhances one’s own self-respect as our 4 loved ones come to trust (and we come to trust ourselves) to reach out, to help, to empathize, and to act.

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Tiime Together

Eating together, whether as a couple or a family, builds relationships and connections through conversations not only about your daily events, but finding out what is important to your loved ones. Ask simple questions such as: what was the best/worst/most interesting part of your day? What are you grateful for today? How did you help another person today? Eating meals together also allows you to demonstrate new nutritional eating habits that you have developed, which will allow you to act as a role model for family members. Finally, eating together regularly allows you to create a greater sense of stability, routine, and communication for yourself and your family.

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Family Relationships

Caregiving can affect your family relationships. Relationships with aging parents may change, frequently as role reversal. These changes may evoke emotions such as fear, guilt, or anger. Such emotions are normal within the context of changing relationships. Caregivers need family support and may not receive it sometimes because they do not communicate their needs. Things that can help are: holding different expectations for the care receiver who may not be able to act or respond as they previously did; siblings working together can raise each other’s spirits and reduce stress. talk to someone with a sympathetic ear; acknowledge fears such as losing the care receiver to death; realize that it is normal to be angry when your life is changed, you are tired, worried, and have many conflicting responsibilities. You may be angry with the care receiver or yourself; guilt is also normal, although it may not be based on something you did or did not do. The care receiver may also use guilt to manipulate your behavior. Offer yourself grace when you experience anger or guilt in your daily caregiving experience.

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Resolution/Managing Conflict

Caregivers (and all human beings) will experience conflict. Conflict at the outset is simply a disagreement. If you discuss and resolve the disagreement, then conflict disappears. Thus, it is a good idea to minimize conflict. As a caregiver, conflict may arise when your need to make sure your care receiver is safe, collides with their desire to do as they always have done and retain their vanishing sense of independence. By reframing a conversation and looking at the issue from their point of view, it may mean letting go of control of the outcome and letting go of ego. If you do lose your temper, or don’t allow compassion for the others experience, you may then also feel shame, guilt and disappointment in not relating better, or managing conflict more productively or peacefully. Conflict can cause you stress, worry, anxiety, depression, and ill physical health. Conflicts that cannot be resolved can undermine trust on both sides. Some ways to address conflict are: 1) Use the power of the pause. If the care receiver is doing something that is unsafe, try and look at the behavior with curiosity rather than a strong reaction. The pause may allow you to be aware that you are reacting because of fear. A strong reaction may meet with resistance, so it might be useful to act rather than react. By taking the ego out of the situation, you can let go of fear and anger. By choosing your words carefully, you can make sure the care receiver understands that they are still in control, managing their life, and making their own choices (which if carefully worded will allow them to choose safety which will align with both your goals). You can ask “How can I help…” rather than “What were you thinking? Obviously, I need to do …” With “how can I help?”, it gives the care receiver a chance to participate in their own health and safety, and you to dodge the wounding that your bruised ego might have experienced.

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Time Together

Caregivers and other family members can build quality time together with their aging parent. To do this, focus on activities your parent will enjoy. Even if you see your parent every day, breaking out of the routine to do something special can add to your relationship and build positive memories. Some ideas for quality time activities include: 1) taking a drive; looking at family photo albums together; 3) trying their favorite activities even if it’s not your first choice and be prepared to be pleasantly surprised; 4) make a playlist together of their favorite music and play it when engaged in other activities to create an enjoyable mood.

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Active Listening

Caregivers are more effective and build stronger, deeper relationships with patients or loved ones when they use active listening skills. Active listening includes a willingness to listen and adapt, as well as demonstrating commitment, respect, and caring ongoingly. Active listening includes paying attention to both verbal and nonverbal communication and can be useful for building trust as well as addressing health problems. Finally, active listening is fulfilling not only for the person the caregiver is taking care of, but for the caregiver themself. It can help build a patient or loved one’s quality of life by having a sense of emotional support, encouraging open communication.

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Social Network

Caregivers often experience their social network becoming smaller, as caregiving absorbs much of the attention that would normally be spent on nourishing friendships. In order to have your social network thrive, it requires energy to reach out and nurture the connections. Make sure you not only have “you” time, but that you make time to make new friends, see old friends, or have them visit. This keeps you physically and emotionally healthier. To make new friends, some options include volunteering, attending a church, or finding a nature or hiking club. You might also try yoga, tai chi, or pickleball; or develop interests such as photography or painting workshops. All these things may get you out of the house, add spiritual or physical health and new interests to your life--and as a side benefit, you might add new friends to your social network. You can also try attending in-person or remote caregiver support groups.

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